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05 July 2010 @ 03:48 pm
It felt liek the day would never come. I'm graduated, and I feel so good. Life is tough still, don't get me wrong but I'm enjoying it no matter what :) How is everyone?
21 April 2010 @ 01:40 am
Well it has been a while. I don't really know where to start. I've been reflecting on the things that have happened over the past 4 years and am processing them and applying the experience to aspects of my life and how that can make me stronger. An update from today, I was up 24hrs and took the accuplacer test at Southern Maine Community College with my friend Ryan even though I had no plan of taking it. I was not extremely happy I finished in 52 minutes and 3 seconds, which left me waiting an hour for my friend Ryan to finish up. It was okay though, I saw lots of people and read up on some information. I got a call by a random scanning by Central Maine Community College about attending and the guy told me that my scores were perfect and I just needed to photo copy the paper and I was all set for attending in the fall. Now just to make up my mind about it all, not much time left since I graduate in June.
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
22 March 2010 @ 12:46 am
So much has changed.
09 December 2009 @ 03:19 am
Wow....It has been quite some time since I have come on here. Yes everyone, obviously I am still alive and intend to keep it that way at the time being, I have not gone completely crazy JUST yet.

I have been going through a lot of changes, I have been through the heartbreaks and the lies. I have chosen a life where I weed out little liers and two faced people who are as you could say my "friends" for lack of a better term. I have also learned who are my true friends and it has become more clear who will be there for me and who will not be in the end. So I try to keep a smile on my face more often but hey there HAVE been some rough patches where I just feel so alone and like I just can't make it anymore but I just have to deal with it and get on with my life.

I have been going to school and playing my game, I also signed up at a gym.

Loving hockey too.
Current Mood: amusedamused
26 July 2009 @ 03:00 pm
Well yesterday I got a henna tattoo and I am debating on if I want to get the tat for real. Though I know if I get it before I turn 18 my grandfather will blow his mind which I don't want him to do so thats means if I am going to get it then I will put it off for another year at least.

Lately I just don't know what to do, I feel so confused and lost amoungst all the people I know. And I don't know how to deal with some things that happen and its just a big stress fest. I realized I don't read like I used to and I don't write like I used to but maybe that is because all I would write about was being depressed and down and sad which was brought on a lot by one person in general. Though my friends I have now, of course like always they are older but I feel like they understand and I was able to tell them what I went through with Luke and even though it was really hard at times they were there and told me some of the same things that Fluffy would. It is just nice to have friends there for me no matter what and I hope to see them soon. That would be nice.

I hope everyone is doing well and just is thankful for the good friends that they have now and for life or had throughout their lives.
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
04 July 2009 @ 05:06 pm
Well I went away for Air Force JROTC in Castine Maine for roughly 6 days and we did a bunch of stuff you can see where I went by looking at www.mainemaritine.edu it is absolutely beautiful. I was in a flight of 7 people, 6 guys and i was the only girl. it was very interesting hahahaha we did a bunch of drill and physical training i got sick every day but i didn't quit, our first night we went to the beach and had a camp fire and made smores and told old war stories and just funny stories that made sense only to sgt. norey sometimes haha we did water survival training in those bright red lobster suits lol and i drove a 45ft power boat i was nervous because i was the first one out of everyone and they were all watching but the boat guy said i did really good those two things were in 2 days and then one night we watched a movie and my last night we did CSAR- combat search and rescue with a dummy pilot. there were 2 squadrants 1st and 2nd, 1st did theirs on wednesday and we-2nd had it on the last day thursday and there are two teams, red and blue, red were unfriendlies and blue were the good guys well i was on red with my 8man crew, 2 recon teams each had a radio operator and a navigator there were two defenders-me being one and a major radio op and a commander--blue team had 28 people btw against 8(red)- and we got the downed pilot made a base near the Head quarters and we had a center where the pilot was hidden---granted we were doing this in a wild life reserve so instead of paintball guns we used super soakers with 2 litter bottles attached--nice that it is water but fuck is it heavy after running uphill and shit. one recon team took the northeast position and the other took a lil north west and i had the left frank and wrap around rear and the other defender had the right flank and wrap around rear. the recon teams took out 12 of them and they get to respawn--have a medic save them and they r fine again but my 8man team cant respawn until the other team has the pilot and are headed to the helicopter. well we lost our two recon teams and chief on the other team spotted the fuckers on my team that were sticking their heads out, i was laying in the prone position for fuckin 2 hrs and i was the only one not spotted cus i was smart and kept low key and while we first set up base i made it clear that there was minimum talking and we would whistle, knock and use hand signals. i was laying on a fallen pine tree, on the side branches while the girth was up higher than my head and covered myself with brush. so we lost our two recon teams and had no map and a radio that was useless since we had no one to radio. so i told em to make sure that if anyone were to radio us that we didnt give out any info besides we still had the pilot. we were left with a 4 man crew so we had no map and i had us move to a T intersection and go into the thick part of the woods between the two meeting paths, well i let sick walk by me, they didn't see me at all hahahaha and i was a foot no joke away from the path and the only reason why they saw me was because there were more coming and one of em asked the group up front something so he turned around and bam i was out hahaha but my 3 man group booked it across open ground. we were all downed and respawned when they were headed to the head quarters and its a square area that is fenced in and the blue team had two people on the ridge-its very hill-y so you cant see side to side and we took out those 2 people and broke up into two groups of 4, one approaching on the left and one on the right-i was on the right and we took em out we fucking slaughtered em. then when we had our debriefing back at the field house Col. was absolutely shocked that my team-red team one because the ratio 8-28 not fair he said it was set up so we werent supposed to win and the other team even cheated BUT what my 4man crew after losing our recon teams found out was that our downed recon teams found blue teams radio channel and had them running around the place for a couple hours so my team was prone position for 5 hours and we fuckin won!!! col. thought it wouldn't go so well with 2nd squadrant because 1st basically wanted to just shoot each other thats all. but my team made him proud :) but ya a few days back we had a guy from the Army national guard come in with this inflatable obstacle course, it was set up on a part of a basketball court and you had to do suicides down the court run to the beginning and run to the other end and go the width and run through the course touch the wall on the other side go back through the course and go around width wise and sprint back lengthwise. I was the first up and he asked if i was ready i said no but bring it on anyway and he laughed and said he liked my attitude lol and i was half way back coming through the course and took a breather and chief--my bud lol hes fuckin awesome was like dont give up and so was the Army guy and i screamed QUIT IS NOT IN MY VOCABULARY in one of those really frustrated pissed voices and i booked it through the rest and i really impressed the army guy and chief and my entire flight for not quitting. we did a bunch of stuff too and games i was fucking amazing at sports too. we had room inspections everyday and the most i ever lost on my room---didnt have a roommate thankfully was 2 points out of a 100 i made 5 friends with the volunteers-the AF guy who is 20, the two emts who are in the navy a lady from the airforce and a civilian. the emt girl and the airforce girl invited me to go to sixflags sometime soon, i was hooked up. lol i cried once on tuesday because my feet had blisters and i just hurt so much and i was tired of puking everyday the EMT wanted me to go to the hospital to check things out but i knew if i went i wouldn't return to leadership school and i wouldn't graduate from it and col. and sgt. and everyone saw me cry and they never see me crack like that i told them i didn't want a bust--lose points or anything cus u can get one bust and still graduate the leadership school but i completed everything 100% and they told me i could take it easy since it was social games and i cried telling them i dont want to go home and i dont want to give up because i need to be there for my flight and support them because they need me and that i wouldn't abandon them. that earned me brownie points and i said it from the heart and they knew it because i wanted to be there for them but i was dehydrated too.

btw there were 8 flights, Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta, Echo, Foxtrot, Gulf, Hotel
I was in Gulf and its a point system you can get as a flight and stuff the flight with the most points gets Honor flight well Alpha had it for 2 days and then we-Gulf got it for the last three and we were the offical Honor flight of 2008-2009

I graduated from Air Force JROTC Summer Leadership School for 2008-2009
Current Location: Grams
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
17 April 2009 @ 01:21 am
As you all know I have not posted in a very long time. In my absence I have found myself not in love with Luke anymore. Granted I do not mind him as a friend but my feelings for him went away maybe 2 months ago when I realized he was not the only male on the planet....yes shocking.....so I have been going through those changes and instead of my talking to Luke all the time I switched to losing myself in a video game because it was the way I could cope. After three years of constant Luke Luke Luke, I needed something that was a constant and I found the game a comfort. I play it "online" on the ps3 and have new friends on there and kill stupid rednecks and other sorts of immature fucknuts who seem to have something AHEM stuck in their throats. I learned a very important lesson from a good friend on there. I can't make everyone happy and I have to take care of myself first. Granted it is nice to make other people happy, how am I to follow through with that if I am distressed and depressed. So through all of this I finally told Luke I am tired of being hurt by him and how much it really got to me and made me cry everyday over the fact that he would be fucking another chick while we were "dating" or in "love". Mind you him living with her mother, her brother and her made me jealous but what the hell he needed a place to stay. But the thing is, I am so tired of being thrown into a corner and hurt so bad that I down myself even more. Ever since I stopped talking to him as much(which we barely speak now) I feel so much more confident and I give that credit to my friends from Call of Duty 4 Modern Warfare--the game for ps3 I play "online". I realize that I am beautiful and that some people actually do care about me while others couldn't give two cents. I find now that I am not obsessed(and yes I was) with Luke has made him realize I am not his anymore and I am done. I will not be hurt like that anymore. Yes I know all of you told me over and over again about your thoughts and I would like to thank Fluffy very much for telling me his straight up opinion even though I got upset. The thing is, I heard what all of you told me and aknowledged it, but I just didn't accept any of it. I had to find out for myself and after 3 years of this I finally figured it out. Granted I do like another guy now I can only see what will happen day to day.

I figured out that I need comforts to fill the gaps that Luke left me with over the years and its just sad it took me this long.

Thank you everyone and I hope to post more often from now on.
Hope you all had a wonderful Easter.
Take care.
Current Location: Down to Earth
Current Mood: relievedrelieved
Current Music: Missy Higgins "Where I stood"
Ray Lamontagne "Sarah" Lyrics:

When we first met we were kids, we were wild, we were insects
And after a while, I grew coarse, I grew cold, I grew reckless
I hold this memory, hold you so close to me,
whispered were we always happy
Lately it feels like i'm asleep and I just can't wake up
Pacing the floor, want to call, but I can't so I hang up
Sharing a secret on the train with a lady
who's crying has ruined her make up

Now I see just how young, how scared I was
Eyes closed tight, throwing punch after punch at the world
Sarah, is it ever gonna be the same
[ Find more Lyrics at www.mp3lyrics.org/pFP6 ]
Sarah, is it ever gonna be the same

Said goodbye to all the places I used to go
Said goodbye to all the faces I used to know
Nothing lasts forever
I guess by now, I should know I should know

There ain't a thing I can say that will ever repair
And you, who had so much advice, and yet couldn't share
Maybe someday, we will look back at this and we'll
smile, but right now I can't bear

Now I see just how young, how scared I was
Eyes closed tight, throwing punch after punch at the world
Sarah, is it ever gonna be the same
Sarah, is it ever gonna be the same
Current Mood: discontentdiscontent
13 February 2009 @ 04:21 pm
well um lets see theres a half naked man in the library talking on his cell phone in the quiet area. Um when I walked up the stairs there was a guy who followed me up and he was right on my tail and i went for a computer and he sat next to me out of all of the other free ones. and he is talking to me and so is the other man on my left, hah surrounded by men, though one is very cute and doing his taxes oh well haha anyways we all know me and my being "shy" when i want but oh well

okay so ive been sick very sick lately, influenza type A and phnemonia, fun fun fun i finished my antibiotics yesterday and im am back on my acid reflux stuff (which they gave me a new kind that works better) and then the normal stuff for a cold since i have a runny nose and such, uhm babysitting tonight from 7pm to around 3 am, which i don't mind at all, not like i have a job anyways--which i am talking over with mom tomorrow on getting stuff done, oh fun fun and I'll tell you this librarian is quite an interesting

ta ta for now
Current Mood: creativecreative
08 February 2009 @ 08:31 am
Oh my goodness you guys, I know I have not posted in a while but as of late i find myself not wanting to repeat things multiple times. Anywho I am extremely sick, this may be a lil TMI but I have a stuffy constant runny nose(yeah explain that one to me) and my throat is raw from puking and dry heaving, and i cannot keep anything in me, food or liquid. Also I have tons of broken blood vesals in my face(so it looks like I have a thousand freckles). I cannot sleep at night because my asthma is acting up as well. and by golly gee I'll tell you my stomach hurts like a bastard from coughing, I think I have intense abs from it. PLUS I hurt everwhere and bruise even more easily. And lets add to all of this----I'm on that "monthy" thing grrr :( I've tried tylonol, ibuprofin, mucinex, my inhaler, liquids--yet it comes up along with some of the meds and I'll say cough syrup coming up HURTS, and I i keep getting sick every 5 mins or so. Plus I'm dizzy and very weak. Oh and Dunkin Donuts is trying to fire me because I've been sick, mom wants to sue if they do. I'm also tired of working there

yeah someone come save me? hah :(
Current Mood: nauseatednauseated